Death From Above

Prague’s pedestrians beware..You never know when someone is lurking in a balcony above you, fully loaded water balloons poised and ready.

Alena invited me to her flat for dinner a couple of weeks ago. It was a world class meal of tomatoie stuff on noodles. To my good fortune there was enough to get seconds. And the seconds were better than the firsts.

After we finished dining, Alena’s friend Sofia made a magical suggestion. “I’m thinking it would be a good idea to fill these balloons with water,” she said while holding up a package of balloons.

“And doing what with them?” asked Alena.

“I dunno..Throwing ‘em off the balcony,” Sofia answered with a devilish grin riding her face.

My eyes widened. “Oh my good god. That would be awesome,” I said.

“Yeah..Let’s do it,” Sofia said, turning towards me with a glowing face.

She sprang up and ran into the kitchen. I could hear the tap turn on as Alena said, “Yeah, I could go for a cigarette anyway.”

“Definitely,” I agreed.

We went onto the balcony. I began rolling a cigarette as Alena pulled out a pack of L&Ms. Just as I was lighting up my new best friend, Sofia stepped onto the porch with three bulbous balloons cradled in her arms.

“Alright, who wants one?” she asked with an escalating pitch but a descalting tempo.

“I do,” Alena and I answered in unison.

“Here ya go,” Sofia said as she handed us bulging balloons.

“Great. Thanks,” I said, smiling. “Aaah.” I gently squeezed the stiff breast then lightly tossed it into the air, getting a feel for its heft. “So who’s gonna go first?” I questioned.

The girls looked at each other and shrugged.

“Do you wanna go first?” Alena asked me.

“Uh, sure,” I said, walking to the balcony’s edge and peering over. I noted the tram tracks running down the middle of the road below. “Oohh. I wanna hit a fuc*king tram,” I said, salivating.

Just then, a tram-car came into view. I carefully aimed, waited til the time was right, and let it rip. The blubbery mass of water and rubber went sailing through the air. It arced over the scene and came down with perfect timing. As the tram cruised towards its stop a watery explosion erupted on the windshield. We couldn’t see the tram conductor’s face, but my endorphins flowed as I imagined their expression of dismay.

“Yes. Oh my sweet Jesus, yes,” I said, affirming the powers that be.

“Holy shit. That was so fuc*king sweet,” said Sofia, holding up a hand in search of a high five.

I delivered one and asked, “You up next?”

“Yeah, sure,” she said. “I don’t think I’ll be able to top that though.”

“No big deal..This isn’t a competition,” I said, shaking my head. “Just see what happens.”

“Alright. What should I aim for?”

“You should try to scare those people,” Alena said, pointing to a group of four people walking on the sidewalk below. They were about to pass directly under us.

Without hesitation, Sofia released a water ballon over the edge. It dropped and landed just behind the passersby. A loud ‘kupsshhh’ sounded as water blasted. The group stopped moving and turned to see what’d produced the noise and probably slight sensation. -The balloon exploded close enough to make contact with the people’s legs. So it may have- As the people turned, Alena positioned herself and dropped a balloon so it exploded on the other side of the group. Turning around double-quick, the people stared at the ground where the second balloon had landed. Obviously confused, the group turned back to the first balloon’s contact-point. They connected the points/dots and looked up to find evidence of an aerial assault. Luckily, there was little chance they’d see us. We were in a penthouse flat 7 stories from the ground. Peering through the railing, we laughed and made faces to contrast their confused ones. After a few minutes of head scratching, the group left.

“Ppppt. Those saps,” one of us commented.

“Yeah..Let’s go fill up some more balloons,” another one of us said.

“Good idea.”

For the next two hours we continued with the explosive extravaganza. It was littered with close calls and bewildered facial expressions. One of the most memorable episodes started with a launch made by Alena.

A couple of travelers, burdened with overstuffed backpacks, looked to be waiting for a tram in the road’s median. Alena threw a balloon in their direction and it landed directly between the two. They were dumfounded. They must’ve stared at the moistened ground between one another for at least two and a half minutes without a sign of motion from either one. Those were the only people we targeted that didn’t bother looking up. To their credit, they were in the middle of a pretty wide street, so I guess the prospect of something being dropped or thrown from one of the buildings 10 meters away was slim.

After 10 minutes of loitering at the tram stop, the two travelers didn’t even get on a tram. They started slowly crossing the street, so Sofia threw one last balloon at them. It landed no more than a meter behind them and they didn’t even flinch. They just slowly ambled away, eventually out of sight.

Having discovered the nearby tram stop was within our range, we took to terrorizing it. We sent a barrage of water balloons into the proximity of the tram’s potential patrons. Not enough to trigger drastic action, just enough to keep the people on their toes.

The beauty was that the people couldn’t see us. Or the airborne water balloons. They searched the skyline for a source, but never made us. We were too far away and too high up to be seen under the darkness of night. And the balloons were moving too quickly against a black backdrop, so they couldn’t be seen until bursting at street/feet level. One person menacingly dialed a number into their phone, hoping we would cease fire with the threat. But we called their bluff and continued to cause chaos. By the time the next tram arrived we had civilians darting into the tram-car with arms covering their heads and panic in their ignorant eyes.

“Alright. Success,” I said with a clenched fist.

“Totally,” said Sofia with a smile. She held her hand up for of a high-five. She was a fan of high-fives.

-Smack- -Smack -Smack-

A round of high-fives was distributed then we decided to call it a night. Sofia was the first to leave. I said ‘Goodbye’ to her before she fetched her coat and went downstairs.

“You better not throw any balloons at me,” Sofia had said to me before leaving.

As I bent down to pick up a full water balloon, I pictured Sofia’s facial expression in my mind’s eye. Her raised eyebrows meant business.

“Of course not,” I had said in response to her warning. At the time I’d made a mental note of not needing to throw the balloon, only drop it. “So what would happen if I did throw a balloon?” I’d asked.

“Castration,” she’d replied with squinting eyes.

“Right,” I’d returned as we kissed cheeks. “Have a pleasant evening. Good to see you.”

“Likewise.”

As Sofia went out of the building’s entrance/exit, she looked up at me. I dropped a couple balloons as I shouted, “Incoming.”

Playful screams drifted upward.

“You bastard,” she called to me with a smile.

“I’m sure you saw it coming,” I shouted down.

“What?”

“Those’re filled with urine…”